Dying to Stay Alive
by PrincessofDarkness11
Summary: Harry has some bad habits and one BIG secret. What happens when Draco Malfoy finds out that The BoyWhoLived isn’t who everybody thinks he is? What do you do when one of your worst enemies becomes the only thing keeping you sane? SLASH R
1. Chapter 1

**Dying to Stay Alive- Chapter One**

Author's Note: This story is slightly AU. The only real AU element is that, in the end of HBP, Dumbledore doesn't die, and in the beginning, Snape never actually completes the Unbreakable Vow. Dumbledore persuades Draco to become a spy in his own home (not with Voldemort, because he's not allowed at any of the meetings until he's an initiated Death Eater) and Snape convinces Voldemort that Draco still needs training, but promises that Dumbledore will be dead by the end of the school year.

Summary: Harry has some bad habits and one BIG secret, but he hides it all very well. What happens when Draco Malfoy finds out that The Boy-Who-Lived isn't who everybody thinks he is? Why does Draco seem to care? What does a person do when one of their worst enemies becomes the only think keeping them sane?

WARNINGS: Harry/Draco SLASH. Pretty Angsty. Self-Mutilation. Body Modification. Alcoholism. Smoking. Some Dom/Sub play… Enjoy!

XXXhdXXX

Harry Potter woke with a feeling of dread. He would be boarding the Hogwarts Express in two hours… going back to school for the last time. He sighed, rolling off of his bed and onto the floor, effectively waking his roommate at the Leaky Cauldron; Ron Weasley. He trudged to the bathroom for a quick shower, grabbing items of clothing on the way. When the door was securely locked, he dropped the glamour charm that he'd put into place every night since July 31st, when he'd finally left the Dursley's.

The bruises and welts that had littered his body were now almost completely faded. However, the scars on his forearms were as evident as ever. He knew that all he had to do to get rid of them was buy a simple scar-healing potion from the apothecary, but- he really didn't want to. They were a part of him now… He traced a finger along two of the more recent wounds and smiled to himself when he thought of how his friends would react if they ever found out. Hermione would likely insist on having his head checked or getting his institutionalized, while Ron asked stupid questions.

'_But,'_ he thought, _'My head's not the only problem. It's my heart, too…'_

He ran the shower, pausing a moment to check his reflection. He was still covered in lean muscle and his eyes were still the same vibrant emerald green, but his hair a bit shaggier. It had a habit of falling into his eyes, but it never fully concealed them. He'd grown a couple inches over the summer, as well, though he was still no match for Ron's full six feet and three inches. He'd also gotten his left ear and nose pierced, along with a tattoo of a teardrop with a crescent moon inside of it on his right shoulder-blade.

He stepped into the shower, allowing the running water to ease his thoughts away for a moment. However, they always came crashing back, just like the rushing tides. He sighed, thinking of the first question people would ask if they found out about his new hobby: Why? He didn't want to tell anybody why, truth-be-told. It would make him seem weak if he simply told them all he couldn't handle it.

He was only seventeen years old, for Merlin's sake, and yet he was expected to save the world from an immeasurably powerful megalomaniac, _and_ do well in school, _and_ be the perfect little Gryffindor. Hah! On top of that, his parents had died to keep him alive, only to be abused for most of his life by a whale of an uncle because of this very fact… and his stay at the Dursley's this summer had been the worst. Anybody in that situation would be a bit whacked in the head. However, those were only circumstances that _led_ to his problem. He felt- numb… emotionally void.

He'd _wanted_ to love Ginny- he really did- and perhaps in some way he had. But not in the way that he'd wanted to, and not in the way that she loved him. All he could manage for her was a feeling of companionship… camaraderie. He was her friend. And even that felt fake sometimes. He had so many secrets from his friends… he often wondered he could really call any of them friends. He'd built a wall around himself- or, rather, he'd built a wall around the rest of the world, keeping himself out, sheltering everybody he cared for from his enemies and his own self-destructive behavior. No matter how hard he tried, or how much he wanted to, he couldn't get back in.

'_When you're numb inside, it's just nice to know that you can still feel pain on the outside,'_ he thought, a conclusion that he'd come to one late night at Grimmauld Place, _'When you're deficient… broken…you need the reassurance that you can still bleed- just like everybody else.'_

He stepped out of the shower, towel drying his hair and body. He pulled on his new denim jeans, grinning at how low they settled on his slim hips, and a tight-fitting long-sleeved black shirt that said 'Simple Plan' in neon green on the front. It was the name of one of his favorite American-muggle bands. However, he figured that most people wouldn't realize that.

He walked out of the bathroom to see Ron already packing haphazardly. He smirked, beginning to pack his own things. He started with his books, then odds and ends, then his Invisibility Cloak, and lastly, his recently purchased brand-new wardrobe and 'decorations' as Ron called them. He closed his trunk shortly after Ron and they grinned at each other. They had just a little under an hour until the train left. They heard a CRACK from the room adjacent to theirs, telling them that Hermione had just left.

"Shall we go then?" Ron said.

"Yeah, 'Mione'll be ticked if keep her waiting," Harry agreed. He sent Hedwig to Hogwarts, shrunk her cage, and apparated to King's Cross Station with Ron.

X

They found a compartment at the front of the train, settling in rather comfortably. Hermione and Ron chattered animatedly about some inane thing while Harry sat near the door, resting his head on the wall and staring blankly at the empty space next to Hermione. He clutched his small camouflage patterned bag to his stomach. He didn't go anywhere without it anymore, and school was definitely no exception. He snapped out of his daze when he realized that he was being addressed.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, "Were you listening to me?"

"No," he answered honestly.

"What's wrong with you, mate? One minute, you're perfectly normal, and the next you're- all quiet and spacey," Ron said.

Harry shrugged. "Things change. _People change_." _'Especially when…'_

His thoughts were interrupted by Hermione- again.

"I don't think you've changed," she was saying, "I think you're just going through a- dark phase."

This was the final straw for Harry. He stood glaring at her. "What would _you_ know?" he snapped, turning and walking out of the compartment, "I'll be back in a little bit."

He walked up and down the aisle of the train, looking for an empty compartment and stopping only to grumble an occasional greeting. Several people remarked on his 'new look'- whether they loved it or wanted to know 'what happened to him'. He finally found one and slid into it, checking that nobody saw him go in and placing a quick locking charm on the door.

He set his bag next to him and pulled out a muggle CD player- which he had charmed to work in places of great magical presence- a set of earpieces and a small bottle of whiskey. He put the earpieces in, hooked them up, and hit play, glad that he hadn't removed his mixed CD. He heard the intro to 'Slither', by Velvet Revolver- another great muggle band. He closed his eyes, singing along with the lyrics that he knew too well and drinking from the bottle in turns.

"When you look, you see right through me- Cut the rope I fell to my knees- born and broken every single time. Always keep me under finger- that's the spot where you run to me- might see some type of pleasure in my mind. Yeah… here comes the water- it comes to wash away the sins of you and I. This time you see…"

Draco Malfoy stopped in the process of walking back to his compartment. He was sure he heard- singing. He followed the sound to a compartment at the back of the train and smirked. It was unmistakably singing- and quite good. The tone was deep, without being too- butch- and had a slightly harsh tone while at the same time sounding smooth and rich. That coupled with the lyrics sparked his curiosity enough that he broke the locking charm and entered the compartment silently. He was surprised to find that the voice belonged to none-other-than Harry Potter, who was, at the moment, gripping a small black bottle like it was his very life. He grinned, sitting down opposite the boy, counting on an interesting explanation when he realized that he had company…

"When you seek me you'll destroy me- rape my mind and smell the poppies- born and bloodies every single time. Yeah… here comes the water- it comes to wash away the sins of you and I. This time you see… like holy water- it only burns you faster than you'll ever dry- this time with me. When you look you see right through me- cut the rope I fell to my knees- born and bloodied every single time."

The song ended and Harry took a long draw on his whiskey, savoring the feeling of it burning down his throat. He opened his eyes lazily, focusing first on his bag, and then on the icy gaze that was fixed on him intently. He swallowed convulsively. He'd been caught- and what was worse, was that he'd been caught by the Head Boy, Draco Malfoy, his enemy from Day One. He turned the CD player off and pulled out the earpieces, waiting for the inevitable sarcastic remark… but it never came. He looked up at the blonde Slytherin, who simply raised one delicate eyebrow at him.

"Aren't you going to try to explain your way out of this?" Draco asked.

"What good will it do?" Harry countered, "It's not like you'll listen."

"Rather moody, aren't we?" Draco said.

Harry shrugged.

"No famous Gryffindor wit? I'm shocked," Draco said in mock horror.

Harry pierced him with a glare that would make Severus Snape flinch. "Make your point and get away from me."

Draco smirked. "Maybe I don't want to. I think I rather like it here."

"You're such a child…" Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm _so_ hurt," Draco said sardonically.

Harry sighed impatiently. "Was there something you needed?"

"Not really. I heard you singing and came to investigate," Draco stated, "You're not half-bad, Potter. Pretty damn good, in fact."

Harry's eyebrows shot up. "Was that a compliment, Malfoy? I'm disappointed. You've gone soft on me…"

Draco chuckled. "You wish."

Harry smiled. "I guess I'm not that lucky."

"Not by a long shot," Draco said, his eyes alight with amusement.

"Are we having some kind of civil conversation?" Harry said, clutching at his heart, "I think I've just gone into cardiac arrest."

Draco smirked. "It's definitely the apocalypse. No doubt about it."

Harry laughed.

"But seriously…" Draco said, "Why are you sitting here, alone, drinking _that_, instead of sitting with your friends like a good little boy?"

"They pissed me off and I wanted to think in peace," Harry replied, "Now I'm beginning to wonder if I'll _ever_ find peace."

"Probably not. At least, not as long as you're the Boy-Who-Lived," Draco said.

Harry's eyes darkened and Draco realized his mistake. "Sorry. You probably don't need to be reminded."

Harry smiled brilliantly. "You're the first person to realize that. Thank you. I'm so sick of everybody talking about my destiny and what a prodigy I am. It just grates on my nerves that everybody seems to feel this irrepressible need to control my life…"

"I didn't realize how much you hated all of it," Draco said, amazed, "You really _don't_ like the fame, do you?"

"I hate it more than anything," Harry said, vehemently, "I'm only famous because my parents died to save my life. Talk about bittersweet, huh?"

There was a moment of silence and then, "So, how was your summer?"

Harry laughed derisively. "Shit."

"Yeah, mine, too…" Draco said, "There's not really much good to talk about, is there?"

Harry took another drink. "Absolutely nothing."

Draco sighed. "Er… Sev went back to teaching Potions."

"Good. He's way better at it," Harry said.

"They've brought in some auror for DADA," Draco added, "Some Shackle-something or other. I can't remember exactly."

"Shacklebolt?" Harry asked, praying that he was right.

"Yeah, that's it!" Draco said, "Do you know him?"

"Kind of… he was- a friend of my parents," Harry said, "He's a pretty cool guy."

"Good, I'm sick of these awful Defense Professors," Draco said.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their individual thoughts, until the train whistle brought them back into their heads. Harry looked over and Draco and brought the bottle to his lips again. Draco eyed it suspiciously.

"What exactly are you drinking?"

"Whiskey," Harry answered, "I swiped it from my uncle's place."

"Right… do you- drink a lot?" Draco asked, trying to keep the concern out of his voice.

"Nah, not so much now. Just when I start to feel overwhelmed," Harry replied, "Want a drink?"

"No, thanks. I'm more for scotch," Draco said.

"Sorry, I left that in my trunk," Harry said with a slight giggle.

Draco raised an eyebrow at him. "What were you singing earlier?"

"It's called 'Slither'. It's by an American muggle band named Velvet Revolver," Harry answered, "It's one of my favorite songs."

"Could I- er- borrow it?" Draco asked uncertainly.

Harry smiled. "Sure. I've got my new one in my trunk. You can keep it, if you want."

"Seriously?" Draco said as Harry handed it to him, "Thanks…"

"Yeah… keep the CD, too. I can always make another one," Harry said enjoying the way Draco's face lit up with pleasure. _'Like a little kid at Christmas…'_ he thought.

"I'd love to see the look on Pansy's face if she ever found out I was listening to muggle music," Draco said, smirking, "She's such an annoying little parasite."

"I thought she was, like, your girlfriend," Harry said.

Draco grimaced. "How could you think that I'd stoop to _that_ level? She's not even remotely attractive."

"So you only date pretty girls?" Harry asked.

"It's good if they're cute, but personality matters, too," Draco retorted, "I'm not completely shallow."

"Sorry," Harry said, "So, what kind of personality do you go for?"

"The really cute, innocent ones," Draco said, "You know… the ones that cry easily and love to cuddle…"

"Right…" Harry said, sighing.

"By the way, who said I'd date _any_ girl?" Draco said.

"What?" Harry asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Oh, come on, Potter… everybody else in school has figured it out by now. I can't believe that you're that naïve," Draco stated, "I'm _gay_."

Harry blushed. "Oh… I thought- I just _assumed_- sorry…" he finished lamely.

Draco laughed. "It's not _that_ strange, you know. Not in the wizarding community. In fact, most witches and wizards are at the very least bisexual."

"Really?" Harry asked, thoroughly intrigued by this new information.

"Yeah. I'm sure you noticed that Finnegan and Thomas are involved," Draco said, "Since they _are_ in your dorm."

"Well, yeah… but I didn't know it was so common," he said, sighing.

"Was that a sigh of relief?" Draco asked.

He blushed again. "N-No! I was- thinking about something else…"

"Has anybody ever told you that you're a really bad liar?" Draco said, chuckling, "Who would have thought that Harry Potter would turn out to be a pouf."

"I am _not_ a pouf!" he exclaimed, a little _too_ defensively.

"Oh come on! Be honest- has any girl ever really done anything for you?" Draco asked, "That Chang girl from Ravenclaw, or even Weasel-bee's little sister? Did either of them turn you on?"

Harry's eyes widened. He was right! How could he be right?

"I can tell by your expression that I'm right," Draco said, "Now, think of some of the guys that you know… do any of _them_ strike your fancy?"

Harry's mind went through all of the guys he'd known, but the main focus seemed to be on Bill Weasley, Oliver Wood, Blaise Zabini, Fred and George, and- particularly- the very blonde Slytherin that had him questioning his own sexual orientation. He shook the thoughts from his head and stood quickly, corking the bottle and shoving it into his bag, which he tossed over his shoulder. He scowled at Draco as he turned and left.

"I'll be around when you're ready to talk!" Draco called after him, and then wondered why he _had_. _'I'm curious, that's all. I _don't_ care about Potter. I can't care about him…'_

X

Harry sat down next to Ron, silently fuming. How _dare_ he say those things? He wasn't even his friend, so why did he think he could just _assume_- even if what he said was mostly true… _'No! He still had no right!'_

"Harry, what's wrong? Has something happened?" Hermione asked.

"It's nothing," he snapped, and then sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Sorry… don't worry, 'Mione. It's really nothing, I promise."

Hermone smiled. "You know, if you ever want to talk, I'm always here for you."

"Yeah, I know," he said, "Thanks."

"And me," Ron added.

Harry nodded, offering a weak smile. "I appreciate it, but I'm _fine_."

He turned away to stare into space again, missing the worried look that his friends exchanged. They left him to his thoughts for a few minutes, before Hermione told him that they would be at Hogwarts soon and should put their robes on. Harry looked out the window and could see the lights of Hogwarts in the distance. He couldn't help but dwell on the fact that it was the last time he'd see Hogwarts like that… he was coming home for the last time.

XXXhpXXX

Okay, so that was probably the longest first chapter that I've ever written… in my life. Normally the first chapter is just filler and background, but… I dunno… I like long chapters. It makes me feel like I've accomplished more. I hope you liked it! See you soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**Dying to Stay Alive- Chapter Two**

Author's Note: Bwah hahaha! Here's chapter two. Oh… and apparently, Simple Plan is Canadian. I did not know that. Cool. Thanks for that **_X-X x0 EVIL POKER 0x X-X_**. That's freakin' sweet. See folks? You learn something new every day! forever an optimist, though you'd never guess from her style of writing… Again, thanks, and srry for anybody who was irked by it. My bad!

A/N2: Thank you soooo much to all of my reviewers! Oh man- you have no idea how happy you've all made me! A lot of people don't like Simple Plan… I just found that out. Lol. Anyway… I never wanted the reviews to end! They were just soooooo great! Keep them coming!

XXXhpXXX

Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table, still seething with anger. It seemed the he thought about what Draco had said, the more sense it made, and the angrier he became. He hated that the person he had always despised seemed to be able to read him so easily. He didn't even hear the Sorting or Dumbledore's welcome speech: he was too involved in his own thoughts.

"Harry, are you feeling okay?" Seamus asked.

"Hmm? Yeah- fine, why do you ask?" he replied.

"You're being so quiet…" the Irishman trailed off, uncertainly.

"And you look right ticked," Dean finished, smiling sweetly.

"Yes, well, I got some rather startling news a bit ago," Harry said.

"Good or bad?" Seamus asked.

"It depends on how you look at it," Harry replied.

"Could you be any more vague?" Ron said, rolling his eyes.

"So, Harry, how was _your _summer?" Neville asked.

"It was fine," Harry said quickly, earning him a queer look from his companions.

Hermione and Ron both knew that something had happened at Privet Dr. that he wasn't telling them. He'd been covered in bruises, welts, and cuts when they'd gone to get him, but he only told them that Vernon and Dudley seemed to like roughing him up more this summer and blamed it on the fact that he wouldn't be returning.

"Harry…" Hermione said quietly, placing a tentative hand on his arm.

He stood quickly. "I'll see you guys in the Common Room. I've got to go- do something…"

He hastily strode out of the Great Hall, completely to the cool, grey eyes that followed hi movements. He hurried through the halls up to the Astronomy Tower and into an unused classroom, where he could think. He moved to the open window and looked out at the castle grounds. He sighed listlessly, pulling out his half-empty bottle of whiskey and drawing from it, allowing the buzz of the alcohol to settle his thoughts. He wished he could simply disappear- or at least get away from everything once in a while. He took another long drink. He knew he should tell Ron and Hermione- or at the very least Hermione- what had happened… he knew he needed help… but he didn't want any more attention. He didn't want anybody to know. And, most of all, he didn't _want_ anyone's help. He drained the last of the bottle and pulled out another.

His thoughts wandered back to earlier that summer. He'd spent most of his time out of the house, not getting back until anywhere between midnight and three in the morning. When he _was_ around, Vernon just hit him and yelled about what a nuisance he was and how much he couldn't wait until he was gone. So, Harry spent a lot of time in muggle clubs, making 'friends'. A fake ID was easy enough to get, and he soon found he had a taste for hard liquor. He spent a fair few dollars in those clubs, as well as on a new wardrobe and certain ornaments that he was rather fond of. Money wasn't really an object though. He had _plenty_ of money, so why not spend some on himself? He also bought contact lenses, but had yet to try them out.

It had been around one o'clock in the morning and Harry was walking to one of his favorite clubs after a trip to Gringotts. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see the group of boys ahead of him until he ran into one of them. He stumbled backward, apologizing absent-mindedly as he moved around them. However, a hand encircled his upper-arm, preventing him from leaving. He looked up to see a boy with sandy blonde hair, brown eyes, and a cruel, thin smile.

"Hey, D. Isn't this your oddball cousin?" the boy sneered.

"Harry? Yeah, I suppose it is," Dudley said, rounding on him, "Well, well, well… how long have you been sneaking out, Potter?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know… how long have you been lowering your princely standards to _this_ kind of place?"

"What's he talking about, D?" one of the boys said, "Don't you live down here?"

"'Course I do. Didn't I tell you he was delusional?" Dudley said, laughing.

"Kinda cute, though…" his captor said, leering at him in a way that made Harry's stomach turn over.

"Have him. He won't tell," Dudley grinned, flipping out a switchblade, "Will you?"

Harry knew that he could take him down easily- _if_ he had thought to take his wand with him. _'Stupid!'_ he scolded himself, _'Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What're you going to do now?'_

The sandy haired boy began dragging him down a dark, narrow alley, followed by two more boys. "You guys fancy a turn?

The two shook their heads. "Just here to watch."

Harry began struggling when what they were planning sank in. Panic settled into his mind and he called out. However, a cool blade pressing into his neck silenced him. He had felt the cool night air hit his bare legs and then…

He took another drink of whiskey and the memory faded away slowly. _'Just there to watch… guess they changed their minds…'_ One more drink and the memory was gone, replaced by a pleasant furry feeling. He looked at the bottle and saw that was now almost half-empty. He sank to the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest and crying silently, just as he had almost every night since… He took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out on a sigh, pulled a long red, velvet box out of his bag. He opened it and picked up the small, silver handled dagger from its resting place, smiling at how the moonlight reflected off of the tiny rubies. He pulled the sleeve up on his left arm, drawing two long lines down his forearm, careful of the vein he knew only too well lay beneath the skin. He wanted to bleed, not kill himself- what a melodramatic way to go… He winced only slightly at the pain and then sighed as the crimson fluid spilled forth, proving that he was still alive. He chuckled at how demented he must look, sitting on the dusty stone floor, face streaked with tears, a small pool of his own blood between his legs.

He pulled his wand out of his robes and healed his arm until it was only a phantom of a scar, but the pain remained, pulsing in his mind like a living, breathing thing bent on his destruction from the inside-out. He cleaned the blood as well, leaning his head back against the wall. He noticed that tears were still falling gracefully down his cheeks. Normally, he'd have stopped crying by now. He searched his mind- as well as he could his near drunken state- for the cause, and found it to be a single person in particular- Draco Malfoy.

He'd pretty much realized that he was gay- or bisexual… he wasn't ready to call himself completely gay. However, in the span of a an hour or two, he'd not only come to that conclusion, but he'd also realized that he seemed to be pining for a certain platinum blonde Slytherin with the most beautiful stormy grey eyes. And that was absolutely unacceptable. He couldn't have feelings for Malfoy! He didn't even know the git! _'Although, seeing his face when I gave him the C.D. player was… what am I thinking? This is not possible! How can somebody develop a crush on a person after one, twenty-minute conversation!'_ He sighed again, taking another drink. _'My mind is seriously whacked.'_

He heard the door open and close and looked up to see the very subject of his thoughts walking towards him. He pulled his sleeve down quickly, using it to wipe frantically at his tear-streaked face. Damn! Why did he have to be seen at his worst? Oh- that's right. Because he's Harry-fucking-Potter and the universe has decided that nothing is allowed to go his way.

"Po- er… Harry?" Draco said, testing the name. It didn't sound half-bad. In fact, he rather liked the feel of it.

"Only if I can call you Draco," Harry said, attempting humor.

'_Wow… I definitely like my name now. It sounds so sexy coming from his perfect mouth.'_ Draco thought. "You can call me ferret if you tell me what's wrong."

Harry sighed. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"Didn't I tell you that you're a horrible liar?" Draco said, "When a person is sitting on the floor, drunk, alone, and crying, they're generally not 'fine'. What's wrong?"

Harry was silent for a moment. "Why did you follow me?"

"Don't change the subject," Draco said, "What's wrong?"

"Why do you care?" Harry said, looking up at him. _'Please **don't** care about me… I don't think I could handle it.'_

"I don't know," Draco sighed, "I just do. Now will you answer me?"

"No," Harry replied, standing, "I can't."

"Why not?" Draco demanded.

"I- just can't…" Harry said, making his way to the door.

Draco grabbed his left arm as he passed, startling a cry of pain from Harry. The cuts were still fresh…

He clutched his arm to his chest, wincing as the throbbing pain increased. _'Crap! Maybe he won't figure it out…'_ But Draco's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Let me see your arm," he said in a dangerously low voice. _'I should just leave him be… I shouldn't get involved… but I care about him. Damn it!'_

"It's nothing. I bumped it on the train," Harry said nervously, turning back to the door.

Draco beat him to it. "Potter…" he growled, then corrected himself, "Harry. Let me see it."

"Let me leave, _Draco_," Harry said, "I'm not showing you anything. It's none of your business, anyway."

"Harry, please," Draco said, softening his tone, "I'm just worried."

"Why would you be worried?" Harry said, "Why do you care so much? Why did you follow me? Why are you doing _any_ of this!"

"Because maybe I _like_ you!" Draco exclaimed.

Harry blinked. "Don't joke, _Malfoy_," he said coldly, "You're not very funny."

Draco sighed. "I'm not kidding… I'm serious. I- like you. A lot. Okay?" _'This is not good. Why did I tell him that? Why couldn't I have just left him alone?'_

"Let me out," Harry said quietly.

"Not until you show me your arm," Draco said.

Harry tried to move past him, but Draco caught him off guard and grabbed his wrist, pushing his sleeve up. He snatched his arm away, glaring at Draco, who could only stare at him in shock.

"There. Is that what you wanted to see _so_ badly?" Harry sneered, using the only defense he had, "I bet you're really happy, now, aren't you? Do you have everything you need, or would you like to see the bruises and scars on the rest of my body!" He gasped at what he had just revealed. However, when he looked at Draco, he was shaking.

"What- why…" he said quietly, "Why would you-? How could you do something like that? What happened to you, Harry? What bruises and scars?" He moved forward.

Harry backed away from him, refusing to meet his eyes, afraid of what he would see in them. "Stop it…" he whispered, tears springing into his eyes again.

"Did you do those to yourself, too?" Draco asked, reaching out to frame Harry's face gently with his hands, "Or was it somebody else? Who hurt you?"

"Stop… stop- you wouldn't understand!" he yelled, pushing Draco aside and running from the room.

Draco let him go. "Shit! What the hell could be bad enough to make him do something like that?"

He saw an object glinting up at him from the floor and picked it up. It was a small, leather-bound book with the initials H.J.P. written of the front in silver. It was Harry's journal! Draco nearly opened it, but resisted the urge and decided to return it to him when he saw him in class the next day. At the moment, he needed to talk to his Godfather.

X

He knocked on the door to Severus Snape's private chambers and waited for the curt 'enter', before walking into the room. "Sev?"

He looked up from his work and smiled. "Draco. What brings you to me so early in the year?"

"Sev, I've got a bit of a problem…" Draco said, sitting on the sofa.

Severus sat next to him. "What is it?"

"Well… I kind of have some really- strong feelings for this guy… I don't want to call it love, because that seems too sudden and I don't want to sound cliché," Draco said, "But it's definitely something akin to love. Anyway, I don't think he feels the same about me… in fact, he may not even be gay. And on top of that, I think he's got some really heavy baggage."

"Harry Potter?" Severus inquired.

Draco blushed. "How the hell did you know?"

"You're carrying his journal," Severus said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Oh… I forgot I had that," he said setting it down on the table.

"Did you try telling him your feelings?" Severus asked.

"I told him that I like him," Draco said.

"How did he react?"

"Well… he ended up running out of the room in tears…" Draco said, smiling miserably.

Severus' eyebrows shot into his hairline. "Maybe you should give me the whole story."

"I'll only tell you that I think he's had it a lot worse than he'd like people to think and he's definitely keeping secrets from us all- even his best friends," Draco said.

"You should try meeting him somewhere to tell him exactly how you feel," Severus said, "Don't try to make him tell you anything and let him know that you trust hi to talk to you about it when _he's_ ready."

Draco smiled at him. "Thanks, Sev," he said, standing and picking up the journal, "I'll do that on Saturday."

"Draco?" Severus called as he opened the door.

"Yeah?"

"Whatever you do, don't read that book," he said, "The last thing you want to do is give him another reason not to trust you."

He nodded and left, still smiling. Saturday… he would talk to Harry on Saturday.

X

Harry stood outside of the Potrait of the Fat Lady, composing himself, before muttering the password and stepping into the Gryffindor Common Room. He was greeted by several perplexed stares as he stumbled over to where Ron and Hermione were sitting. The alcohol had finally begun to settle it and he realized, with a morbid sense of satisfaction, that he was pleasantly drunk. He flopped into the chair next to Hermione, who was playing Ron at chess.

"Hey, Hermione, you're losing," he said, grinning, "Miserably."

"I _know_," she growled, "I'm bloody terrible at this damned game!"

Harry snickered. "What a potty mouth you have, 'Mione."

Ron laughed, but Hermione turned to him, her brow furrowed. "Harry… are you _drunk_?"

"No…" he said, nearly falling out of his chair and then laughing hysterically.

"You _are_ drunk!" she exclaimed, standing with he hands on her hips, drawing the attention of everybody around them, "How could- why would you drink? I cannot believe this!"

"Hermione, give the guy a break," Seamus said, "I'd drink, too, if I was in his position."

"Yeah, seriously. It's not the worst think he could do," Ron added.

"You two, shut up and take him up to the dorms," she snapped, "I can't even look at him."

They shrugged and did as they were told, practically carrying Harry up the stairs.

"You're pretty cute, Seamus," Harry said as they tucked him in, "Did you know that?"

"Yes, that's nice Harry…" Seamus said, shaking his head and chuckling good-naturedly, "Now, go to sleep."

"I'd much rather you stayed," Harry said suggestively.

"Much as I'd like to, I don't take advantage of the incapacitated," Seamus said, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on his forehead, "Let's wait until you're sober."

"I'll hold you to that…" he said, promptly falling asleep.

Seamus smiled sympathetically at him and followed Ron out of the room.

XXXhpXXX

NO: there is no actual Seamus/Harry relationship pending… sorry. As cute as it would be, it doesn't fit. Maybe later… I dunno. Just read. And review. We can't forget THAT, now can we? Until next time…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I totally don't own it. I also totally don't know why we have to do these things. We all know that JKR isn't going to sue us... she's far too nice and she enjoys reading these far too much... (you should hear what she says about fanfiction on her official website. lol)

A/N: Here's the next chapter. CH. 2 didn't get as much feedback as CH.1, which made me sad, but I hope that I get PLENTY of reviews for this chapter! Now off you go! Enjoy...

X

Harry woke the next morning with a splitting headache, proof of the previous night's activities. He got out of bed begrudgingly, cursing the early morning light and his dorm-mates, who were talking at an ungodly volume! He dressed slowly and sat on his bed, massaging his temples.

"You alright there, Harry?" Seamus asked, smirking knowingly.

"I'm fine," he growled, "I've had worse hangovers than this."

"How much did you drink?" Ron asked.

Harry muttered something unintelligibly.

"What?" Seamus said.

"A bottle..." Harry repeated.

"Of _what_?" Dean exclaimed.

"...whiskey," he said, making them laugh, "Shut up!"

"Come on," Ron said, pulling Harry up, "Maybe you'll feel better once you've eaten."

"I doubt it..." Harry grumbled, following them to the Great Hall for breakfast.

"How're you feeling, Harry?" Hermione asked curtly.

"My head hurts like a bitch," he retorted.

"Good. That's what you get," she said.

"Don't start with me, Hermione," he said, grabbing a piece of toast, "It's too early."

"You deserve it!" she scolded, "What you did was stupid and irresponsible. I bet you'll think twice before drinking again, won't you?"

"No," he said, making Ron, Seamus, and Dean laugh, "'Mione, I've been drinking regularly all summer- not _heavily_, but I usually have a couple drinks every night. Some nights I just need to get pissed."

"Hear, hear!" Seamus said, toasting him, "Well said, mate, well said!"

This earned him a stony glare from Hermione.

Harry stood up, leaving his half-eaten toast on his plate, and grinned at them. "I'll see you guys in class, okay?"

Seamus, who was still subject to Hermione's glare, stood as well. "I'll come too..." he said, walking out of the Great Hall with Harry.

Draco watched them leave, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. He would have to have a good long talk with Finnegan later...

"So..." Harry said, smirking, "I'm sober now."

Seamus choked on air. "Are you serious? Have you really crossed over to our side of the playing field?"

Harry shrugged. "Pretty much. That was the news I got yesterday. I had a long talk with... somebody and they kind of enlightened me."

"Who was this person?" Seamus asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Harry responded.

"So I can give them a huge kiss and thank them from the bottom of my heart," Seamus said earnestly.

Harry laughed.

"I _would_ make good on my promise, Harry, but I'm actually involved with someone, right now," Seamus said.

"Dean- I know. I was just kidding anyway," Harry said, "I think I already like somebody."

"You really move fast..." Seamus said, "Who is it?"

"Same person who 'enlightened' me," Harry said.

"And that person is...?" Seamus prompted.

Harry sighed. "You have to swear not to tell anybody."

"I swear!"

Harry whispered in his ear and he gasped loudly.

"Of all the guys in school, he's probably the only one I wouldn't have guessed," Seamus said, "But- wow, have you got good taste! He's smart, rich, _and_ gorgeous."

"And he's actually really nice," Harry said, "But- I don't think he likes me like that."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... there's a way to find that out," Seamus said.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Spend the whole day flirting with me and if he tries to kill me, he likes you," Seamus said, grinning, "I don't know why, but he seems like he'd be the jealous type."

Harry chuckled.

"I'll have to tell Dean what's going on, though. I don't want him to get the wrong idea."

"That's fine... we have Transfiguration, Care of Magical Creatures, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Potions with the Slytherins, so we'll do it then," Harry said.

"Don't forget lunch and dinner!" Seamus said enthusiastically, "This is going to be fun! I absolutely _love _jealousy... it's so hot."

Harry rolled his eyes. "If he even gets jealous."

"Even if he doesn't, the rest of the school will," Seamus said, "Everybody likes you, Harry. You're just too dense to notice."

An idea suddenly struck Harry. "Go ahead without me. I've got to run to the common room. I- forgot something."

"Alright, I'll save you a seat," Seamus said, and Harry sped off.

X

When Harry walked into Transfiguration, he got quite a reaction. For the first time since he entered Hogwarts, he _wasn't_ wearing glasses. The famous striking green eyes were no longer hidden behind thick lenses and were now staring quite innocently around the room. The effect was- breathtaking... he had always been incredibly attractive- even beautiful- but now he was absolutely gorgeous! He took the seat next to Seamus, winking at Dean, who was smirking, just as McGonagal entered the room.

"Where're your glasses?" Seamus whispered.

"Contacts… thought the glasses kind of messed with my image," Harry replied.

Seamus chuckled, glancing back at Draco before leaning into Harry and whispering, "You're not playing fair…"

Harry smiled. "I came to win," he said, his eyes glinting.

Seamus glanced at Draco again and nearly flinched at the murderous glare that the blonde was shooting at him. He turned back to Harry and opened his mouth to speak.

"Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Potter," McGonagal said, "Is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"No, Professor," Harry said sweetly, "We'll behave."

Dean snickered quietly, making Ron even more confused than he was already.

Harry could feel Draco's angry gaze on his back and he silently prayed that neither he nor Seamus would wind up on the receiving end of that anger. Seamus, however, seemed to be having a fine time of it. He played the part of the shameless flirt quite well, taking every opportunity to touch Harry or whisper in his ear. But… that was, Harry couldn't help but think, probably because _he was a shameless flirt_. The day went by rather quickly for Harry and soon they were filing back into the Great Hall for dinner.

"Harry," Seamus said, sitting next to him, "He seems pretty angry. What do you say we keep this up until Saturday? Then, if we find out it wasn't a fluke caused by a bad mood, you can have him meet you somewhere to talk."

"You're having _too_ much fun," Dean said, chuckling.

"I promise I'll make it up to you- _somehow_…" Seamus said dramatically, "So, Harry?"

"I don't know…" he said uncertainly.

"Come on. It's only two more days," Seamus said, "Please? I love being able to tick- him- off by doing the one thing that I'm really good at! Don't take that away from me!"

"You're such a drama queen, Seamus," Ginny said, sitting down with Ron and Hermione, "What are you whining about this time?"

Seamus grinned. "Nothing that concerns you."

"Fine…" Harry sighed, "But only until Saturday."

"Perfect!" Seamus exclaimed happily.

Harry shook his head, smiling.

"What are you two talking about?" Ron asked.

"It's nothing. Just… a bet," Harry said, swinging his bag over his shoulder and standing, "I'm not really hungry. I'm going to head up. See you later."

He walked out and up to the Prefect's bathroom, where he ran every tap until the pool-sized tub was filled with every type of bubble, foam, and fog imaginable. He stripped, sinking into the water with a sigh. He relaxed for nearly an hour before washing his hair and body, trying to clear his mind of his memories and his thoughts about Draco. In the end, he did the only thing that he knew would calm his raging mind. He dragged himself out of the tub to sit on the cold tile floor and pulled his dagger out of its box. He drew it down his arm, again watching the blood drip down his skin to pool by his feet before casting a cleansing charm and the healing charm he always used.

He dressed quickly and headed back up to the common room. By the time he arrived, the place was nearly empty, so he sat on the sofa and reached into his bag for his journal, only to come up empty handed. He ran to the dorm and tore the room apart searching for it. However, it seemed to have just- disappeared. He fell to his knees on the floor and cried silently. If anybody read that… they would know his deepest, darkest secrets. They could the information over to Voldemort or worse… use the information to turn him over to Voldemort. He hoped that whoever found it was an honest person, so they wouldn't read it… but even then he knew it was no use. A person would have to have virtues made of diamonds to resist the urge to read the private journal of the Boy-Who-Lived. He sighed, wiping his face on his sleeve and gathering his composure. He righted the room and went back downstairs. The moment he sat down a plate of sandwiches appeared on the table in front of him. There was a note next to it and he picked it up.

'_Harry,  
You didn't eat lunch or dinner. You're skinny enough as it is, so I had Dobby send you these. Eat at least two. Trust me, I'll find out it you don't. You need to eat more, okay? If not for you or me, then do it for Finnegan. You wouldn't want to make your boyfriend worry, now would you? Do you think you could meet me in the abandoned classroom in the Astronomy Tower on Saturday after lunch?  
D.M.'_

Harry folded the note and put it in his pocket, smiling stupidly. He ate three and a half sandwiches and then called for Dobby.

"You can take these back. I'm full, now," he said.

Dobby beamed. "Mister Malfoy will be pleased. Dobby hopes the Harry Potter will take better care of himself from now on."

Harry smiled warmly at him. "Thanks, Dobby. I will."

"Harry Potter must promise," Dobby insisted.

"Alright, I promise," he said.

Still beaming, Dobby disappeared with the plate. Harry sighed, forgetting about his journal for the moment and simply looking forward to his meeting with Draco on Saturday.

XXXhdXXX

So… how coincidental was it that Draco just _happened_ to want to meet on the day the Harry was going to ask him to meet? Lol. Oh, the conveniences of fanfiction, right? Well, don't forget to review! They feed my plot bunnies, don't you know. Keeps 'em healthy and energized. Until next time…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own it. If I had a dollar for every disclaimer I had to type… I'd be a very happy person…

XXXhdXXX

Saturday rolled along all too fast for Harry. He woke up at nearly eleven o'clock and sighed, getting out of bed. He dressed in a pair of black, semi-tight, low riding jeans, a form fitting black tee shirt with 'Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.' written across it in green, and a pair of converse high-tops. He put an emerald stud in his nose and a small silver hoop in his ear, put on a black leather choker, and headed to lunch. When he walked into the Great Hall, every head turned to stare at him. He sat down next to Seamus, who was ginning like a madman.

"You always have to make a big entrance, don't you?" he asked.

"Of course," he said, tossing his head back in mock arrogance.

Seamus chuckled. "So… it's your big day with- _him_."

"You make it sound like we're getting married," Harry said, laughing.

"Hey, a commitment's a commitment," Seamus said.

Harry laughed again. "Who says he even _wants_ a commitment? For all we know, he could just want a piece of ass."

Seamus raised an eyebrow at him. "If all he wanted was a good tumble, he wouldn't be plotting my death in his mind."

"What? He's _still_ going?" Harry looked up and smirked when he saw the way Draco was clutching his fork in a white-knuckled grip. "I'm going to go. Somebody looks like he wants to talk."

Seamus pulled him down as he stood and kissed him long and hard. When he was finally able to stand, he was blushing brilliantly. Seamus flashed him a grin and winked. "Good luck, Harry."

"Er… thanks…" Harry said, walking out of the Great Hall and shutting the door on the loud whispers. He made it to the room with no interruptions and slipped in unnoticed, waiting by the open window for Draco.

The blonde entered the room, shutting the door sharply. Harry could tell he was straining against his anger when he turned and looked directly at him. His ice-blue eyes were on fire, his entire body was tensed, and his fists were clenched at his sides. _'If looks could kill…'_ he thought.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Harry said sweetly.

"What are you playing at, _Potter_?" Draco growled.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, "Why do you look so angry?"

"What's the deal with Finnegan?" he accused, "Is he your boyfriend or just a plaything?"

"That's really none of your business," Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Draco stalked across the room to stand in front of Harry. "The hell it's not. Answer the question."

"I really don't feel like it," he retorted, "It's none of your business who I am or am not with."

"Maybe I want to _make_ it my business," Draco said, taking a step closer to Harry.

He sighed. "I don't have playthings, thank you very much. I'm not like that."

"So he's your boyfriend, then," Draco said and his eyes flashed something that made Harry's heart clench- hurt, "I should have figured as much…" He turned to leave, but Harry caught his wrist.

"No… he's _not_ my boyfriend," Harry said soothingly, "We're just friends… that's all."

Draco wrenched out of his grasp. "Yeah, right. You've been acting awfully cozy this week. And what about that kiss?"

"It was-nothing. It meant nothing," he said.

"Now, you're lying to me!" Draco exclaimed.

"No! I swear… we're just friends. Why do you care so much anyway?" he asked.

"I don't care," Draco replied, blushing, "I just don't like being lied to. So, are you going to tell me the truth?"

Harry sighed, completely unable to resist Draco in such an open, vulnerable state. "Seamus and I pretended to flirt and the kiss- was staged, as well."

"Why would you do that?" Draco asked.

Harry blushed brilliantly. "To make you jealous…"

In a single heartbeat, Draco lips were on his, his tongue thrust forth to plunder the moist cavern of Harry's mouth. He pushed him against the wall, wrapping one arm securely around his waist and bringing his free hand up to cup his cheek. Draco was overcome with intense happiness. Harry had wanted to make him jealous… so he must have _some_ feelings for him. He felt Harry's hands grip his upper-arms tightly and heard him moan softly and he deepened the kiss.

Harry felt his knees grow weak, so he tightened his grip on Draco's arms. He felt a hand slip to the back of his neck, tugging his head back to give Draco better access. He was utterly lost in sensation when he felt Draco's cool hand resting on his throat gently, reminding his too vividly of the jagged metal blade that had been pressed into his skin before…

He let go of Draco as though he'd been burned and pushed him away, sinking to the floor. He was breathing heavily, tears falling down his cheeks gracefully. Draco kneeled in front of him, concern showing clearly in his eyes.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry…" Harry said, running a hand through his hair, "I can't tell you…"

"Why not?" Draco said.

"I don't want you to hate me again," he replied softly.

"I could never hate you…" Draco said smiling warmly, "But you don't have to tell me anything." He sat next to him and pulled the green-eyed boy into his arms. He thought about the small leather-bound book hidden away in his room, and then shook the thoughts away. Harry would tell him in his own time.

They simply sat like that for several moments before Draco broke the companionable silence. "Harry?"

"Yeah?" Harry said, his reply muffled by Draco's shoulder, where his face was pressed.

"I have something that belongs to you. Come with me," Draco said, standing and pulling Harry up with him.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked as Draco dragged him down several flights of stairs.

"The Slytherin dorms. I've kept it hidden for the last few days," Draco said, coming to a stop in front of a portrait of a very large black and green snake, "Wait here, I'll go get it. If you hear anybody coming, just go around that corner and hide behind the statue of Slytherin. I'll be right back."

Harry nodded and Draco disappeared into the portal, closing the portrait with a sound thud.

"_Bloody kinds… always slamming me about. Gives me such a headache!"_

Harry looked up at the snake, realizing that it was _she_ who had spoken. _"Excuse me?"_ he said in Parseltongue.

"_You speak our language? How delightful! My name is Artemis… named so by the Founders themselves,'_ she said, _'Who are you? Not one of mine."_

"_No, I'm Harry, from Gryffindor,"_ he replied.

"_From Gryffindor, eh? I haven't seen one of you down here in nearly a century,"_ she said, _"Well, good for you. I've always believed in inter-house relations. I've never been able to voice my opinions before, though."_

"_I'm glad to be of service, milady,"_ he said, bowing dramatically.

She chuckled. _"So… is it a romantic relationship you've got with that handsome blonde boy?"_

He blushed. _"Wel… see, the thing is…"_

"_Oh, it **is**! I knew it!" _she exclaimed happily, _"I could tell the moment you two arrived. I could practically taste it in the air!"_

"_It's not official- yet…"_ Harry said, grinning.

The portrait swung open and Draco stepped out. He made to slam it shut, but Harry caught it quickly and shut it gently. Draco raised an eyebrow at him.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"She hates it when you all slam the door like that," Harry replied.

"She? She who?" Draco said, "The snake? I always thought it was a boy. Well, I'm sorry if I bugged her. I'll tell the others not to shut the portal so hard from now on."

Artemis hissed. _"Tell him that I thank him with all my heart."_

"She says thanks," Harry said, chuckling, "Now, what do you have for me?"

"Not here. Back upstairs," Draco said, dragging him away.

"_Come back soon, Harry!"_ Artemis called.

"_I will! Bye!"_

When the door to the classroom shut, Draco pulled the small book out of his robes and held it out to Harry. He stared at it, horrified. Draco had found it? What if he'd read it? Oh God… he hoped he hadn't! He snatched the journal away from Draco as though it would disappear any second. He clutched it to his chest and closed his eyes, thinking the worst. Draco had read it and now the only reason he was being so nice is that he feels sorry for him… that was something that Harry had always hated; pity. He cracked one eye at Draco and saw that the blonde looked more confused than anything.

"I didn't read it, if that's what you're thinking," Draco said, sounding hurt, "I don't just sort through people's personal lives, especially not people I care about. If it's anything important, I trust them to tell me when they're ready."

Harry couldn't stand it any longer. He screamed, throwing the book across the room, narrowly missing Draco's head, and covered his ears. "Stop it! Stop being so nice to me!"

Draco winced at the desperation in his voice, stepping toward him. "I can't help it. I really like you, Harry…"

"Don't! How can you know that? We're practically strangers… you're supposed to hate me! How can I protect you if you don't hate me?" he exclaimed.

"You're not making any sense…" Draco said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Harry backed away. "I never should have started this. I'm sorry… Just forget about me, okay? Let's just go back to the way things were."

"I can't. Things can never go back to how they used to be," Draco said, pulling Harry into his arms, ignoring his protests, "I like you- I care about you, and I know you like me, so we're going to be a couple and shock the hell out of this school."

"No… Draco you don't understand! I can't _do_ this!" Harry said, desperately trying to get Draco to relinquish his hold on him. However, being the smaller of the two, he was unsuccessful.

"Maybe I could try to understand if you would just talk to me," Draco said gently.

Tears were falling steadily down Harry's cheeks and he sobbed quietly. "Everybody I love… everybody I care about… they all die…"

"Harry that's not true," Draco consoled.

"It is! Anybody I get close to becomes an instant target to Voldemort!" Harry exclaimed, "My parents died… Ginny nearly died… Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore… they all left me…"

"I won't leave you," Draco said, his voice full of conviction that Harry wished he could believe.

"You can't promise something like that," Harry said, "Voldemort already doesn't trust you. If word of this got out…"

Draco ran his hands up and down the length of Harry's arms. "Then we won't let it get out."

Harry turned in his embrace. "How can you be so confident? How can you say those things when you know you have no control?"

Draco smiled. "I have all the control I need."

"I have no control," Harry said, resting his forehead against Draco's shoulder, completely exhausted, "My entire life was written in stone before I was ever even born…"

Draco ran his fingers through his hair. "You're exaggerating. Fate has a lot to do with it, but you control your own life. You make your own decisions."

"That's just it! I don't! Everybody is always making decisions for me… the only decisions I ever made- ended up killing people or getting my friends hurt," Harry said, wrapping his arms around Draco's waist.

Draco shook his head. "Eventually, I'm going to fix that little misconception in your head. However, for now I'll just settle with being with you."

Harry sighed. "If I agree to this, you have to promise me one thing."

"What?" Draco asked.

"If we're ever in a situation where we're in danger or could be put in danger, you'll let me handle it and get the hell out of there when I tell you to," Harry said, looking into his stormy eyes.

Draco almost protested, but when he saw the desperate determination in those brilliant emerald eyes, his resolve melted. "Alright, I promise." _'But I don't think that I'll be able to keep that promise…'_

"We can tell a few people about our- relationship- but I don't want to make it public until I'm sure that I'll be able to kill Voldemort once and for all," he said.

"That's fine with me," Draco said, "Although I was really looking forward to everybody's reaction… and having the entire student body become insanely jealous."

"Why would they all be jealous?" Harry asked.

Draco smiled. "You are so innocent- so naïve… no wonder every witch and wizard who comes into contact with you loves you!"

Harry raised a questioning eyebrow at him, clearly waiting for him to elaborate.

"You obviously haven't noticed, but we are the two best looking guys at Hogwarts currently," Draco said, "And I'm not being arrogant, so don't give me that face. I'm just stating a fact."

Harry smiled slightly, but it was just a glimmer of amusement and it was gone as soon as it appeared.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked.

"I've got a lot of baggage," he said sadly, resting his forehead on Draco's shoulder again to avoid looking into his eyes, "Sorry… are you sure you want this?"

Draco lifted his chin with a single finger and captured his lips in a soft kiss. "Of course I'm sure. I _would_ like to be prepared for any more breakdowns, though."

"If you- if you really want to, you can read my journal," he said, "If it means that much to you."

"No… I want to learn about you from you," Draco said, "Not some book. Tell me when you're ready. I can wait."

Harry smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem…"

Draco sat down against the wall, pulling Harry into his lap and they stayed like that for a while before Draco cleared his throat. "I've just decided that I have a few conditions of my own," he said, "The first being that you _eat_."

"I think I can handle that," Harry said dismissively.

"The second is that you minimize the drinking," Draco said, "It's not healthy and I do not want you to become an alcoholic."

"Okay…" Harry said, a little more reluctantly.

"And the third condition," Draco said, making Harry face him, "No more cutting…"

He sighed. "I can't do that, Draco."

"What?" Draco exclaimed, "Harry, just stop, _please_."

"I'm sorry, but I can't," he said, "I- I just can't. I promise I'm not suicidal, but I… I need it, Draco."

"Why?" Draco demanded.

"It's- it's a release…" he said.

"From what?" Draco asked.

"The memories…" Harry whispered, turning his face away, "I can't tell you right now. I _will_ tell you, but not now."

"Then… can you at least not do it as much?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded. "I don't think I'll need to as much now that I have you…"

Draco sighed, realizing that that was the best he could hope for. "Thank you for telling the truth. It just worries me, that's all."

"Don't worry about me… I know what I'm doing," Harry said, "I've been doing it for a while."

Draco grasped his wrist gently and pulled back the sleeve. "I can tell," he said solemnly.

"I- can wear a glamour… if you want me to," Harry said quietly.

"No! I would never ask you to do that. They're a part of you…" Draco said, kissing one of most recent marks. _'Just as I hope to be…'_

Harry felt the tears spring into his eyes before he could help it. He'd never been spoken to like that. Nobody- not Ron, Ginny, or even Hermione- had ever treated him with such tenderness. He felt… wanted… cherished… and he liked it.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Draco asked, noticing the misty green eyes and afraid that he'd hurt him again.

"I'm fine. Just… why are you being so nice to me?" Harry replied.

"I already told you," Draco said.

"No, not _just_ nice. I mean, why are you being _this_ nice to me?" Harry said, "I don't think even Ron and Hermione would be this- accepting- if they ever found out."

"I don't know. Does it really matter?" Draco said.

Harry sighed contentedly. "I guess not."

"We should probably spend some time with our friends…" Draco said regretfully, "Maybe we can steal away some time later tonight."

Harry nodded, smiling. "Then I can learn some of your dark secret."

Draco only grinned and followed Harry out of the room.

XXXhpdmXXX

Squeee! Another chapter completed! Huzzah! Tiffy will be so pleased! (Tiffy is one of my muses!) Until next time… and I expect plenty of reviews! flames will be used to roast the marshmallows that feed my plot bunnies


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own it and I never will.

A/N: I would like to thank milki for the wonderful flame. It's the first one I've gotten in a VERY long time and it's keeping my plot bunnies quite warm. geezus kryste. this has got to be the most cliched fic ever. did you just copy sentences from other fics and paste them in your text? and god. you're one of those pseudo-emos who likes simple plan. and please don't write about something you don't understand. it's either that or you're just too unskilled to broach such a topic. i can't believe so many people on ffn just decide to write a cutting fic without even understanding anything. you insensitive ($&$. Now, I have this to say to you. (Anybody who doesn't care should skip down to the story now, because this may take a while… lol… if you want to listen to my rant, however, feel free.) 1) I am not now, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be emo, pseudo-emo, or anything even remotely related to emo. I'm not the type to bitch and moan about my life and talk about how many times I've tried to kill myself and that BS, and people who do, piss me off. 2) Yeah, I like Simple Plan. I also like Switchfoot, Stone Temple Pilots, Eminem, Shakira, Toby Keith, and LeeAnn Rimes. Do you have a problem with that! And 3) DON'T FUCKING TELL ME THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! YOU DON'T KNOW ME, SO DON'T PRETEND THAT **YOU **KNOW WHAT **YOU'RE** TALKING ABOUT! I WRITE FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, B, SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

On with the story!

XXXhdXXX

"So, Harry…" Dean said as he walked into the common room, "Did it work?"

Harry grinned. "Oh, yeah… better than I thought it would," he replied, earning confused stares from Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville.

"What worked?" Ginny asked.

"Nothing," Harry said, "You wouldn't understand."

"You could _make _us understand," Hermione said.

"I'll tell you eventually," Harry assured them, "Once I'm sure."

They sighed. "You know, Harry," Ron said, "We can feel you drifting away from us…"

Harry waved a hand dismissively. "Nonsense. Come on, Seamus. We need to talk."

Seamus shook his head. "They're right, Harry. You should tell them."

Harry sighed. "Okay, okay… let's go to the Room of Requirement, then. Seamus, Dean, are you coming?"

Seamus shrugged. "Should we, Dean?"

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world!" Dean laughed, following them out with Seamus.

"So," Harry said, as they sat in random chairs around the room, "I have been keeping things from you."

"Obviously…" Ron said under his breath.

"Well, the truth is… er- I'm gay," Harry said.

"Oh, is that all?" Ginny asked, "I kind of figured."

"Yeah, you're way too moody and emotional to be hetero," Hermione said.

"Are me and Neville the only ones who didn't know about this?" Ron asked.

"Actually, I had noticed when I saw him at Diagon Alley. I just assumed you all knew," Neville said.

"You too? Oh Merlin, I must be as dense as everybody says I am…" Ron said.

"Pretty much," Ginny said.

"Was that all, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"No, not really," he replied, "I kind of- like somebody and we're… together, I guess."

"Really?" Hermione squealed, sounding oddly reminiscent of Lavender Brown, "Who is he?"

"Isn't it Seamus?" Ginny asked.

"No, Seamus is mine," Dean growled, pulling Seamus onto his lap possessively, making the Irishman laugh.

"Well, it's got to be somebody we know…" Hermione said.

"Oh, you definitely know him," Harry said, grimacing, "But you're not going to figure it out."

"We don't need to," Ginny said, "You're going to tell us, aren't you?"

"No… I'm not," Harry said, casting nervous glances in Ron's directions.

Hermione noticed and raised an eyebrow. "Erm… Ron, didn't you have detention with Filch today?"

"What? I don't remember that…" Ron said.

"Really? I could have sworn you got caught playing Exploding Snap in the back of McGonagal's classroom… although, you probably weren't paying attention when she assigned your punishment," Hermione said.

"Shit!" Ron muttered, dashing out of the room.

They looked at him expectantly.

"I guess I won't draw this out any longer…" he said, "It's Draco Malfoy."

"What?" Neville exclaimed, "Why?"

"I don't know… he listens to me and he doesn't try to force me to talk about anything. He's just there… and he understands," Harry said, "He's not a bad guy, _really_. Just give him a chance."

Hermione and Ginny smiled and nodded their approval. Neville sighed. "I don't like this… but I'll try. If he hurts you, though, I'll have him drawn and quartered."

Harry grinned. "Thanks. You guys are the best."

"Does anybody else know?" Ginny asked.

"No, nobody. So don't say anything, okay? Not even to Remus or your parents," Harry said.

"What about Fred and George? They'll want to hear all about this," Hermione said.

"Yeah, you can owl them, I guess," Harry said.

"You mean- you don't know?" Ginny asked.

"Know what?" Harry said.

"Fred and George are coming to apprentice in Charms and Transfiguration," she said, "They'll be arriving on Monday."

"Are you kidding me?" Seamus exclaimed, "That's the best news ever!"

"We've got our mentors back!" Dean said wistfully.

Hermione sighed. "That's just great."

"So, why aren't you with _him_ right now?" Neville asked.

Harry rolled his eyes. "He told me that I should spend some time with my friends."

Hermione smiled. "I think I like this new Draco."

"He's got a rather large jealous streak," Seamus said, chuckling.

"Yes, he is kind of- possessive," Harry said.

Neville groaned. "I really don't want to hear about this…"

"Hey, Seamus, would you and Dean fancy joining me and Draco's orgy tonight?" Harry asked, smirking.

Neville promptly covered his ears, whimpering loudly.

"Well, sure, where at?" Seamus replied.

Hermione and Ginny listened intently.

"I'll tell you in a bit," Harry said.

"Aw, that's not fair!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Could you at least take some pictures for us?" Hermione asked.

"Ginny! Hermione!" Neville said, aghast.

"I'm sorry, but that's just too mouthwatering to pass up," Hermione explained unabashedly.

He shook his head, muttering about teenage girls and hormones.

"You know, Harry," Ginny said, "We're going into Hogsmeade tomorrow."

"Yeah, so?" Harry said.

"Well, the school will be almost empty. I just think that you and Draco should take advantage of that," she said, "Spend the day together or something. Plan a romantic lunch for two on top of the Astronomy Tower, maybe."

"Why would Harry do something _girly_ like that?" Neville asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Because silly things are what relationships are all about," Ginny said.

"Yes, but- those kinds of things are so feminine," Neville said.

"And it's obvious that Harry is the feminine of the two," Dean said, "Just like Seamus."

Ginny giggled.

"No way!" Neville said, "Malfoy's so prim and prissy… he's got to be the girl!"

Harry blushed. "Actually they're right. Draco's much more… dominant."

Neville's eyes widened. "What? You mean you- you guys already… you didn't! Did you?"

"No, not yet," Harry said, grinning, "So wipe that look off of your face."

Hermione chuckled.

"Not yet? So, you're _planning_ to- oh my- gross!" Neville exclaimed.

"Seamus and I do it all the time," Dean said, "And his bed is right next to yours…"

"Oh, stop it, please!" Neville said, "I'm never going to be able to sleep again!"

"I'm going to sleep like a baby, tonight," Hermione said, "What about you, Gin?"

"I'm thinking about a sleepover in the boys' dorms," she said.

Seamus and Dean laughed.

"So you want to go for a walk, Harry?" Seamus asked.

"Um… sure," Harry said, "Why, though?"

"I just want to talk to you…" he said.

Dean raised an eyebrow as Seamus stood. "What're you going to talk about?"

"Oh, just some things…" Seamus said, "Nothing to be worried about."

Dean sighed, rolling his eyes.

Harry followed Seamus out. "We'll see you guys at dinner," Seamus said.

"What did you want to talk about?" Harry asked.

"Well… I kind of have a problem," Seamus replied, his trademark grin falling from his face.

"Really? What is it?" Harry said.

"Er… see, Dean's got his heart set on being an auror," Seamus said.

"How is that a problem?" Harry asked.

"I'd like to be an auror, too. That way, I could stay with him," Seamus replied, "But… the way I'm going, I'll never get the right NEWT scores."

"And…?"

"Well, do you think- maybe we could do the DA again? As… as a study group of sorts? That's what we could call it anyway," Seamus said, "And we could do Potions, too, this time."

Harry chuckled. "Yeah, that actually sounds like a damn good idea."

"Good. So… is he a good kisser?" Seamus asked.

"Bloody amazing!" Harry said, grinning, "I haven't done a lot of kissing, but- you have no idea what it was like!"

"Kind of like you never want to kiss anybody else ever again?" Seamus asked.

Harry nodded. "Exactly."

"That's how it is with Dean," he said, "He's absolutely perfect… I don't know how I got so lucky with him. You know, Harry… I'm actually rather frightened. I don't want to do anything to mess this up."

"Seamus…" Harry said. He'd never seen the boy in such a vulnerable state.

He gave him a weak smile. "It may seem silly, but I make myself be happy all the time. I won't let myself get angry or serious or sad… because I'm afraid of doing something that'll drive him away from me. And I couldn't take that."

"Dean wouldn't leave you for something like that. In fact, he may even love you more," Harry said.

"How do you know that?" Seamus asked in desperation.

Harry sighed. "Because, that's how it works. He can't really love you if he doesn't even know you- _all_ of you."

"I guess you're right," Seamus said, "Thanks, Harry."

"No problem," Harry replied grinning.

Seamus wiped at his eyes, sniffling slightly. "I don't know why I'm crying…"

Harry pulled Seamus into a comforting embrace, stroking his back. "It's okay… I do."

"I love him so much, Harry," Seamus whispered into Harry's shoulder, "I couldn't stand it if he stopped loving me."

"Anybody would be crazy not to love you, Seamus," Harry said.

"Oh look! Potter's got himself a boyfriend," Pansy Parkinson sneered, "I bet you'll make the perfect bitch, Finnegan."

Harry scowled at her. "Don't you have some puppies to torture, _hag_?" he spat.

"As a matter of fact," Draco stepped forward and his icy gaze fixed on Harry, "We so have something better to be doing."

Harry's eyes widened when he saw the intense anger burning in Draco's eyes. He released Seamus quickly, realizing what Draco must've thought. They walked away and Seamus turned to Harry.

"Wow… he looked mad as hell," he said.

"Yeah," Harry said, "Anyway, dinner is in another hour, so do you want to go to the library and start planning the DA meetings?"

"Sounds good to me," Seamus said, following Harry up the stairs.

XXXhdXXX

There! Number Five is DONE! Yay! Until SIX… au revoir!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: You know I don't own it...

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. I recently moved and so my computer was out of commission during the moving process.

Chapter Six

XXXhdXXX

Harry and Seamus walked into the Great Hall fifteen minutes late for dinner. Harry glanced at Draco briefly and saw him glaring, obviously still angry. He sighed, sitting down between Hermione and Ginny, who grinned at him.

"Hey, Harry, you've got a letter," Ginny said, handing it to him, "It mysteriously appeared when dinner started."

Harry opened it and read _Astronomy_ _Tower_ _11 o'clock__. D._'

It was scrawled rather hastily and Harry almost flinched at how... clipped it seemed. He folded it gingerly, placing it in his bag. He had suddenly lost his appetite. It felt as though something was constricting around his stomach. How would he explain that to Draco? He'd never believe him... damn it.

"Harry," Hermione said, "Aren't you going to eat?"

He shook his head. "... not hungry."

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked.

"I'll tell you later," he said.

They shrugged, deciding that it was better no to push him.

"Eleven? That's after curfew, Harry," Hermione said, "You'll have to take your cloak and stay away from the 2nd floor corridor because Filch is trying out some new devices that records the magical signature of anybody who walks past them."

Ron gaped at her open-mouthed. "Are you _helping_ him break rules?"

Hermione smiled. "I'll do anything to help the progression of love."

"That was rather out of character, 'Mione, dear."

They turned to see two identical grins and sparkling baby blue eyes. "Fred! George! You weren't supposed to be here until Monday!" Ginny exclaimed.

Fred winked. "We just had to see our favorite post-closet-case-"

"-and have a little chat with him," George finished.

They hauled Harry up by his elbows, slung their arms around his shoulders, and ushered the laughing boy out of the Great Hall, comfortably sandwiched between them.

Draco watched them leave with a scowl on his face. He'd have to talk with Potter about how loose he was with his affections. He growled, stabbing at his steak with a fork. Out of all the guys at Hogwarts, he had to get one who was annoyingly popular. In the end, he ate very little, but reduced his food to a mushy pile on his plate, and then left quickly.

Fred and George led Harry out onto the grounds, toward the lake. They sat down under a tree, pushing Harry down between them. Harry grinned.

"What do you guys want?" he asked.

"We just wanted to see if what 'Mione said about you in her short and rather rushed letter was true," Fred stated.

"That depends on what she said," Harry said evasively.

"That you're gay," Fred replied.

"And involved- intimately- with Draco Malfoy," George finished.

"Well then, I guess it was true," Harry said, "Except the intimate part. We're not at that level quite yet."

Their jaws dropped simultaneously. "Are you serious?" they chorused.

"We _have _kissed!" Harry said, purposefully misinterpreting their exclamation, "Which, I might add, he is _incredibly _good at."

Fred grinned while George continued to stare at him in shock. "But he's- it's- Malfoy!"

"Yes, and I'm Harry, he's Fred, and you're George. What do names have to do with this?"

"Are you sure that you trust him, Harry?" George asked.

"I trust the Draco that I know. That's all I can do right now," Harry replied, toying with the grass between his fingers.

Fred and George smiled before sandwiching Harry between them again in a tight embrace. "Out little Harry is _so _grown up!"

Harry laughed. "Stop it, you two! Jeez! Let a guy breathe will you?"

At this moment, Draco was strolling over with Blaise. They stopped as they neared, watching as Harry was pinned to the ground by the infamous Weasley twins.

"Ah! Hey... no, not there!" they heard Harry exclaim through his laughter, "Hey! Fred- no biting! Get your hands out of there!"

Draco's expression hardened into a mask of aristocratic indifference as he forced himself to continue walking.

"Ugh! Why don't you and your _lovers_ get a room, Potter?" he sneered as he passed them.

Harry pushed Fred and George off of him, standing up. He opened his mouth to explain, but stopped when he noticed the crowd they were drawing. "If you're so offended by me and my 'lovers', _Malfoy_, then don't look. Nobody's forcing you..."

He sighed as he watched Draco storm away with Blaise in tow. He ran a hand through his hair, sitting back down.

"Did we get you in trouble?" Fred asked.

"He's got a jealous streak that's about a mile wide," Harry said, "And could wrap itself around Hogwarts' grounds. Twelve times."

They laughed. "So what are you going to do to fix this?" George asked.

"This isn't the only thing I have to fix..." he said miserably, "He kind of saw me- comforting Seamus earlier. We were _hugging_, so stop giving me those looks! He was upset about Dean... and Draco got the wrong idea." He sighed again. "I guess I have until eleven o'clock to figure it out..."

X

Eleven came and he _still_ hadn't thought of anything. He pulled on his Invisibility Cloak and slipped out of the common room unnoticed. He snuck through the halls, following Hermione's instructions, and reached the room with little incidence. The most that had happened was a brief run in with Mrs. Norris.

When he slipped into the room, Draco looked up quickly. His brow furrowed in confusion as he peered about the seemingly empty room. Harry pulled off his cloak and Draco gasped.

_'So that's how he managed at the Shrieking Shack in third year...'_ he thought, forgetting his anger for a moment. However, the next second he was glaring again.

"Nice cloak," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah... Ron loves the bloody thing," Harry said.

Draco's eyes narrowed. "Speaking of your _friends_... did you talk to them?"

"Er... they know I'm gay," he said, "The only ones who know the rest are Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Fred and George."

Draco had been tense before, but now there was a slight twitch of irritation in his jaw. Harry swallowed convulsively, walking across the room to stand in front of Draco. He stared at his shoes.

"Um... earlier..." he said.

"What _about_ earlier?" Draco snarled.

"Well, it wasn't what it looked like..." Harry said, "With Seamus and then- Fred and George..."

"Not what it looked like?" Draco snapped, "It was pretty damn clear what was going on, Potter."

"What? No, you don't understand," Harry said.

"I understand perfectly," Draco said, "Not that you've come out, you're experimenting- different lovers, different feelings- you're testing the waters." He stepped up to Harry so that their bodies were nearly touching. "I don't share what's mine..." he growled, crushing his lips to Harry's in a possessive, dominating kiss.

Harry was torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. He could feel Draco's anger in the kiss, but he could also tell the he was holding quite a bit of it back. His fingers dug into Harry's arms painfully, making him gasp.

Draco took the opportunity to force his tongue into the dark haired boy's mouth, demonstrating his dominance once again. He turned them around, pushing Harry against the wall and pressing his body against the smaller boy's. He slipped his knee between Harry's legs, pushing against his obvious erection. Harry was too stunned by the force of Draco's anger to do much of anything. His mind was clouded with desire, which only served to surprise him more. He was actually turned on by this? He couldn't suppress a moan when he felt a harsh pressure between his legs.

Draco moved his lips to Harry's neck, sucking and biting, making sure to leave a lasting mark. At the same time, his hands found their way up his shirt and he began mapping out the smaller boy's chest. He could feel Harry trembling beneath his deft fingertips and he smirked, moving his mouth to a particularly sensitive spot just below his adam's apple.

Harry felt Draco's cold hands moving across his chest beneath his shirt, making him regain some of his senses. He brought his hands up to push at the wall of Draco's chest.

"Stop... please..." he whispered, gasping when Draco bit roughly.

"What's wrong, _Potter_?" Draco growled, "Am I not good enough? Would you rather be with Finnegan?" He moved away from him, his eyes flashing anger and hurt before settling back into an impassive mask.

"No..." Harry breathed, "That's not it..."

"Oh?" Draco's eyes gained a predatory gleam, "Then I suppose you wouldn't mind if I continued..."

"No!" Harry exclaimed.

Draco snarled. "I knew it! You _would _rather be with one of them!"

Harry sighed, wrapping his arms around himself. "No. You're wrong. I was never with any of them... Seamus- was upset about Dean and the twins- are just like that. We're good friends. That's all, I swear!"

"I'm sure," Draco said, skeptically, "Do you sleep with _all _of your good friends, then?"

"Shut up!" Harry yelled, hugging himself tighter, "You don't know what you're talking about... there is nobody for me- nobody would have. Not after..."

Draco blanched at his outburst. However, when Harry suddenly withdrew into himself, he knew something wasn't right. He reached his hand out to Harry, who flinched and shifted away from the touch. Something definitely wasn't right.

"Harry? Not after what?" he asked.

Harry shook his head. "Nobody will want me..." he repeated, tears falling down his cheeks, "Nobody... I'm not wanted... nobody, nobody, nobody..."

Draco was scared, now. And he didn't like it. He pulled Harry into his arms, running his hands through the boy's raven hair and whispering soothing words in his ear. Harry eventually calmed down and wrapped his arms tightly around Draco, burying his face in the blonde's shoulder.

"I don't want anybody but you..." he whispered.

If the room hadn't been so completely silent, Draco wouldn't have heard the soft spoken declaration. Thankfully, though, he did and it washed away any remaining traces of anger.

"Good, because I wouldn't have it any other way," Draco said, smiling.

Harry returned the smile. "I don't deserve you."

Draco's hand stilled in his hair. "Don't say that. You deserve more than anybody else. If anything, you deserve _better _than me."

Harry responded by tightening his hold on Draco.

Draco smiled again. "Don't worry. I'm not letting you go."

"Good..." Harry said, leaning into Draco's embrace even more.

"Come on," Draco said, pulling Harry across the room, "We're going to the Room of Requirement." He picked up Harry's cloak and draped it over them, keeping Harry pressed close into his side.

A few moments later, they were on a large comfy sofa in front of a roaring hearth. Draco's arms were around Harry, who was curled into his side, dozing lightly. Soon, Draco, too, felt the pull of slumber and slowly surrendered to it.

X

The seventh year boys' dormitory in Gryffindor Tower woke Sunday morning to a panicked exclamation. "Hermione!" Ron hollered.

Moments later, she rushed in, wearing a thing white slip... and that was it. Seamus whistled and she shot him a glare. "What is it?" she asked Ron.

"Harry never came back," Ron said, "He left like he said, but he's not back. And he's not on the map either!"

"Calm down, Ron," Hermione said, "Let's get dressed and go talk to Dumbledore."

"No need, children," a painting of a rather rowdy looking man said, "I saw a couple young men go into a room last night. Rather odd, actually. They were under what I think was an Invisibility Cloak. One of them paced back and forth in front of a blank wall three times and a door just appeared. I always knew this castle had more secrets than even us paintings knew... Well, anyway I hear they never came out." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Hermione laughed. "Let's not bother them..."

"Who is he with?" Ron asked.

Seamus and Dean exchanged a knowing look, stifling their snickering. Neville opened his mouth to respondbut Seamus stopped him with a glare.

"I don't know," Hermione lied, "But I do know that it's somebody Harry cares deeply for. He'll tell you when he's ready."

"He'll tell _me _when he's ready?" Ron said, his ears turning a curious shade of red, "So you know? He trusts you, but not me? Why the bloody- it's not like he's shagging Malfoy!"

They laughed, somewhat nervously.

"I don't care what you say, 'Mione, I'm going to get him," Ron said, storming out of the room. Hermione followed quickly, leaving three very worried boys.

XXXhdXXX

So, here is the long awaited chapter six. Enjoy!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own it and I don't know why we have to do these things.

A/N: So… It's been more than a month. Forgive me? I hope so… Enjoy!

X

Chapter Seven

X

Harry woke feeling remarkably content and rested. He stretched his arm above his head, freezing when he came into contact with something solid. It was then that he realized he was lying _on top_ of somebody… somebody _very_ male. Thanking the Gods for contact lenses, he opened his eyes, sighing when he saw Draco Malfoy's sleeping face.

Tentatively, he reached up and brushed his knuckles across one pale cheek. He smiled, moving his hand the boy's blonde hair, letting it run through his fingers like water. Draco stirred, but he didn't remove his hand. He leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his lips just as the blue eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning," Harry said, blushing and moving his hand away.

Draco caught it, bringing it to his lips. "Morning. Why don't do things like that when I'm awake?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm not really used to- this stuff. I've only ever been in one other relationship and that was with Ginny. She was expressive enough for the both of us."

Draco chuckled. "The pure, innocent Boy-Who-Lived, savior of the world, Griffindor to the core… and here he is, lying on a sofa with the Slytherin Sex God, initiated Death Eater, model pure-blood."

Harry looked away. "I'm not pure anymore…" he whispered.

Draco narrowed his eyes. "What does that mean?"

Harry almost slapped himself. He hadn't meant to say that out loud! He laid his head down on Draco's shoulder.

"It's nothing," he said.

"Harry…" Draco started.

"Drop it, please," Harry said, his voice pained as he squeezed his eyes shut against the memories.

He got up from his place on top of Draco and summoned Dobby, instructing the eager house elf to bring him his bag. Dobby left and moments later, his bag was in his arms. He thanked Dobby, who disappeared again with a bow and a huge smile. As soon as Dobby was gone, he pulled out a bottle of tequila and popped it open, downing a quarter of the bottle.

Draco sighed, sitting up. "What are you trying so hard to forget?"

Harry kept his back to the blonde. "Nothing," he lied, taking another drink.

"Harry, you're only making things worse for yourself," Draco said, "Alcohol won't erase whatever it is that happened and it won't get rid of your pain."

"No, but it… helps," Harry said, crying before he realized. _'It seems like I've been crying a lot…'_ He drank again.

Draco stood and walked over to Harry, wrapping his arms around the raven-haired boy's waist from behind. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of his neck, noticing that he was trembling. He tightened his hold on him and Harry leaned back against his chest for support. His arms fell to his side and Draco took the bottle from Harry lightly, levitating it to the table.

"We really need to talk," Draco whispered into Harry's ear, "It doesn't have to be now, but it should be soon." He turned Harry's face to his and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "I want to help you, Harry."

Something in Harry broke at those six words. He turned in Draco's arms, burying his face in the taller boy's shoulder and sobbing. He took a couple choking breaths before gasping, "I was… raped…"

Draco tensed and his hands stilled in their soothing movement. "Who?" he growled through clenched teeth, barley managing to control his near blinding rage. Harry was silent though, still shaking violently, so Draco pushed him at an arms length and shook his lightly. "Who?" he repeated, louder.

Harry couldn't meet Draco's icy gaze. He focused, instead, on the floor. He desperately wanted his tequila, as the memories had begun to resurface again.

"Who was it, Harry?" Draco exclaimed.

"My cousin's friends," he said shakily.

"How many?" Draco asked, his hands tightening on Harry's arms.

"A couple…" he replied quietly.

"How often did- _this_- happen?"

"It only happened twice…" he whispered, "… you're hurting me."

Draco let go of him. "Damn it," he snarled, angrier now than he'd ever been in his life.

Harry hung his head even more. "I'm sorry…"

Draco saw that Harry was shaking and sighed, pulling him back into his arms. "It wasn't your fault. Don't ever apologize for what those bastards did to you, Harry."

"You don't have to do this," Harry said, fighting to hold back the tears, "I won't blame you- if you- if you don't want me… anymore."

Draco kissed the top of his head. "I'm not letting you go. Now that I've got you, I plan to keep you for as long as I can."

Harry smiled and the tears began falling again. "Thank you…"

The door flew open in the next moment and they stared in horror at the people standing there.

X

Sorry, but I'm ending the chapter here. The next one will be up shortly, as my inspiration seems to be back tenfold! Yay! A bientot!


End file.
